Deep In The Silence

It’s becoming evident to me that we are only our true selves during silences.

Only then are we aware of the thumping of our burdened hearts and the wails of our deafening thoughts.

In the rush of… responsibilities recently, I haven’t been able to grasp a moment to be alone. Maybe it’s a good thing. The monsters seem to come all the more when I’m alone.

I feel exhausted all the time. Constantly finding it difficult to fall asleep and when it’s time to wake, the inertia is almost impossible to overcome. At this point, I don’t know what to chalk it up to.

Yesterday, I lost it for a few seconds. Suddenly, I felt I had the courage to fly. My mind imagined me leaping and falling, and my heart, for that short time, felt liberated. Maybe the time is approaching. Maybe I can do it soon.

Apparently sister #2 is too stubborn to admit her faults. I won’t deny that I feel a sense of calm when I think that she might never have the chance. If anything, I feel a perverse desire for the people who’ve ever hurt me to feel the kind of pain embedded in me, and to tormented by the demons who surround me every sleepless night.

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