• Uncategorized

    The Curse of the Old

    The internet is abuzz with how the older generation has facilitated the big push that is cumulating in rapid climate change and…. Doesn’t care. Figures. In my opinion, not that anyone asked me, the older generation is severely entitled and basking in the glorification of their adolescent hardships. Don’t believe me? Try asking someone from that generation to reduce their use of plastic bags. They’ll behave like you refused them oxygen. Or, try telling them that they have to wait in line for their food order like everyone else. You’ll be treated to a long lecture, in an Asian language or dialect that you can’t really understand about how in…

  • Uncategorized

    To My Middle Sister

    You are pushing me towards the edge and you know it. I saw the texts you sent my husband. About how thankful you are that he’s taking care of your baby sister, and how horrible it must be for him to look after me. And how much you’re trying to hold your temper in, against my personal attacks. Well, go on then. Unleash your temper. Tell me what I have done to you that made you feel hurt, abandoned and unworthy. Tell me the things I’ve said that made you cry. Tell me about the time I’ve hit you out of frustration and spite. Tell me. Yes. How horrible it…

  • Uncategorized

    The Beginning of July

    Waking up is agony I tell you. Complete and utter writhing agony. Just when I think the anti-depressants are kicking in, Yuto has been in the hospital since the 3rd. It’s been a week and there’s no work on when he can go home. Even though I’m not the one and should not be the one footing the bill, I feel an exacerbated financial strain. It’s igniting the other sparks in my mind that were flickering out. That and the worry, and the never-ending helplessness that I feel, compiled with basically being a walking corpse riddled with sadness, exhaustion and the flu. Why am I even here? Why do I…

  • Uncategorized

    Funeral Ideals

    The other day, somehow, I got to thinking about my funeral. The funeral that my sister would inevitably have to put together should I decide that I can no longer tolerate this world. I didn’t have an idea of whether it was an open or closed casket, basically whether or not I died of an overdose or I splattered my innards on the floor. But I could see so clearly, my other sister and my relatives talking about how I was always a moody child, and how I was overly sensitive. It almost made me want to laugh.

  • Uncategorized

    I want to kill myself today. The weight of never-ending negativity is crushing me. God please have mercy and take my breath away. Give it to someone else who wishes to live.

  • Uncategorized

    Below The Baseline

    Woke up today feeling less than stellar than usual. My body feels heavy today and it’s difficult to smile even in front of others today. More and more, I’m starting to feel that everything I secretly believed about a lot of people in my life is true. That they don’t care, that they’re selfish, that they only spend time with me when it’s convenient for them. Oh well. There’s nothing to be done about it.

  • Uncategorized

    Bad Thoughts

    I have a demon that lives inside me. It comes out when I’m alone. Sometimes, it sits on my chest – making it hard for me to breathe. Sometimes, it sits on my back – burdening me with the weight of a world I don’t belong in. Sometimes, it sits on my head – making it feel so heavy. The worst is when it has its hand squeezing my heart – it makes me want to die. It whispers to me. Things like: You’re fat. You’re stupid. Nobody likes you. No one will notice if you stopped showing up. You’re a waste of space. Funny thing this demon. It kills…